Jun 17, 2022·edited Jun 17, 2022Liked by Lewie Pollis
Lewie, I’m so glad you wrote this column, and I imagine it must have taken some courage to write.
I’m struck by the commonalities between your experience and those described by people with life threatening illness, or tragic bereavement. From the people who suggest a special diet to the ones who insist “everything happens for a reason,” to the ones who start a comment with some variation of “at least,” it’s clear that kind intentions don’t always translate to respectful support. Learning to actually hear the people we care about, to hear their discomfort above our own, and to make room in our own hearts to listen that deeply, is a skill many never develop. I hope, and trust, that you have people with those skills in your life.
It reminded me of something Maya Angelou said When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. People know themselves much better than you do. That's why it's important to stop expecting them to be something other than who they are.
For me, it’s about actions. Actions tell who we are. I don’t know your story, but it sounds like you’re in a much better place today.
Lewie, I always think life is too short to hold on to such sentiments. Then a couple of things have happened in my life where I have changed my tune. My tune shadows yours. I’m glad you are able to analyze the situation and move from it. I’m glad you have the strength and conviction to admit it is okay. You have turned into an amazing adult. I’m glad to call you a friend.
Oh Lewie, this struck such a cord. My family’s trama with my ex husband and my kids’ dad is, from what I think I’ve heard, pretty similar to your family’s. I know that I have encouraged my kids to be open to a relationship with him. I’ve feared that he’d die and they would live with the guilt of never having reached any resolution. The problem for them is, if they give him an inch, he always, but always disappoints. I want them to take care of themselves and there is nothing they owe him.
So, I commend you on doing what is best for you. That’s what I’d like my kids to do.
Lewie, I’m so glad you wrote this column, and I imagine it must have taken some courage to write.
I’m struck by the commonalities between your experience and those described by people with life threatening illness, or tragic bereavement. From the people who suggest a special diet to the ones who insist “everything happens for a reason,” to the ones who start a comment with some variation of “at least,” it’s clear that kind intentions don’t always translate to respectful support. Learning to actually hear the people we care about, to hear their discomfort above our own, and to make room in our own hearts to listen that deeply, is a skill many never develop. I hope, and trust, that you have people with those skills in your life.
Sending love.
Great stuff in there. Thank you for sharing.
It reminded me of something Maya Angelou said When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. People know themselves much better than you do. That's why it's important to stop expecting them to be something other than who they are.
For me, it’s about actions. Actions tell who we are. I don’t know your story, but it sounds like you’re in a much better place today.
Lewie, I always think life is too short to hold on to such sentiments. Then a couple of things have happened in my life where I have changed my tune. My tune shadows yours. I’m glad you are able to analyze the situation and move from it. I’m glad you have the strength and conviction to admit it is okay. You have turned into an amazing adult. I’m glad to call you a friend.
Oh Lewie, this struck such a cord. My family’s trama with my ex husband and my kids’ dad is, from what I think I’ve heard, pretty similar to your family’s. I know that I have encouraged my kids to be open to a relationship with him. I’ve feared that he’d die and they would live with the guilt of never having reached any resolution. The problem for them is, if they give him an inch, he always, but always disappoints. I want them to take care of themselves and there is nothing they owe him.
So, I commend you on doing what is best for you. That’s what I’d like my kids to do.
Thank you for sharing the wisdom of two thoughtful men, Mike Ehrmentraut and yourself.